My Band

We played our first show last night, at open mic night in my hometown.  It was fantastic, fun, nerve racking, drunk and quite the rush.  I can’t wait to do it again.  Besides just getting up there and playing, the after talk from the audience was great, we got a couple cards from people, a ton of requests for cd’s and questions about where our next show is going to be.

I couldn’t be happier, and it was far from our best performance.

This feels like the beginning to something great.

Accordion, My Love.

This is my new lover.  Dorky maybe, I know but she's my favorite.  I have yet to name her.  Let me know if you have ideas, it's gotta be a good one though.

 

It's quite strange how you can actually develop such attachments to instruments.  But it totally just happened.

 

We had a kick ass practice last night.  I Wrote and recorded my first accordion part and I haven't even had it for a week/barely know how to play it yet. It sounds awesome and gives me warm fuzzies!

Now I want these, cause they're white and would go beautifully with my new bay bay.

And an outfit like this:

I'll get there...;)

 

 

Revealing

Here’s just a couple things that has been going on with me.  I can’t keep it in right now, I’m too stressed out but I’ll start with some good things.

First off, I’m really into D&D.  Judge me if you will.  I’m a nerd like none other but it’s one of those things that’s unlike anything else and is a fantastic waste of time. I’m currently involved in two campaigns.  One that’s starting now and one that’s continued from last winter.  This reminds me I have a post from priva-blog that makes me laugh.  Remind me to post that.  Anyways, I have already spent probably around 6 hours (possibly considerably more now that I think about it) trying to create my character for my upcoming campaign, and that’s just plain ridiculous.  Am I going to stop spending lots of time doing this?  Hell no, worth it.  Just a little crazy when I look at it in terms of other things I could have been doing, things that would advance my life goals and such like that.  But I have to look at it as improving my quality of life in terms of fun times (definitely not health considering how much drinking and lack of sleep goes on).  I guess I think that’s okay, and it’s friend bonding time and improves your creativity.  So there, I have justified wasting hours and hours of my time.  Good enough for me.

On a note that is productive, and also a reason I don’t feel so bad about D&D time, I have taken up the Ukulele and Concertina Accordion.  I mentioned this before I believe, but they ended up both happening at the same time. I’m okay with that.  Tuesdays I have Uke lessons at Schmitt music in Edina on lunch break, with a guy who is quite possibly younger than me.  Then Thursdays on lunch I drive to Burnsville to take lessons with the sweetest old lady - Helmi, who teaches Accordion.  She is also going to hook me up with a small piano accordion for cheap, hopefully this week.  This I’m excited about.  I’m learning a lot and the self-entertainment and satisfaction of playing a song is fantastic.  I’m thoroughly enjoying myself and though I’m spending a lot of money, it is worth it (again).  Thus me also justifying dropping a couple hundred for what others might see as a non-beneficial activity.

Lastly and the one negative thing I will write about today is the fact that I’m absolutely baby crazy right now.  I always am (really…) but it’s pretty bad right now.  Luckily my guy doesn’t read this so I can mention it here instead of being a grown up and talking to him about it (granted I have before and learned my lesson). I’m not really sure what to do right now. No matter what, I know I can’t have what I want, not for years anyways but that’s not stopping me from hoping I can.  I’m crossing my fingers like a mo-fo this is the month.  I cross those fingers every month, but this one is different.  Okay, so this is where you tell me I’m nutso, and I need to wait, and I’m not married, and it’s wrong if he doesn’t want it now.  Well trust me I know, but that doesn’t mean my feelings about it have suddenly changed.  I honestly have very little control over them.  I’ve hoped and prayed that I could be a normal girl and go through the normal motions of a relationship and that he wouldn’t have to deal with this stuff because it is irrational, I know.  But, that doesn’t make it just happen.  Some months it’s better than others but the theme is that it’s always there, no matter what.  And occasionally it comes out in the strongest of emotions that I wish would go away yet at the same time, I wish I could just get what I want.  I guess this is selfish of me, and though I’m not a selfish person on a daily level (I can say this because it’s realistically kind of bad for me), being that this is such a big thing, I suppose I am being very selfish.  I want it, despite the fact that he thinks it would ruin his life if it happened right now.  And I care about him so much but it doesn’t stop me from wanting it more, just for myself.  I think the reason for that is I have convinced myself it would be okay if he left me if it happened.  Because I want it so much.  My god that’s fucked up.  And maybe I don’t feel like that so much anymore (this is something I told him last December, when we had a flub-ub I don’t tell anyone about) because my love for him has grown from the scary-powerful thing it was even in the beginning.  But when I’m in I-need-babies mode, I definitely consider it. “It’d probably be fine if he left, I’d have a part of him forever anyways.”  But that thought, if I had a shrink, I’m sure would be frowned upon. 

So now I’m guessing you’re thinking that I’ve been trying and doing that crazy girl thing where they plan “accidents” but no.  God no, I would never be able to live with myself if I had a hand in it.  Then none of this would be okay, (is it even now?) but I don’t see why just hoping is such a big problem.  I think that’s okay.  But what I think might be very very wrong.

I went into way more detail than I expected for this blog that humans can actually read but I need to get it out, even if no one reads it.  I feel like I’ve been hiding it since last December, mostly because I can’t talk to him about it.  So it feels good to share it, even if it means nothing to you, and has the possibility of accessing people I don’t want to know this much about me. But I’m sick of hiding, so there.

Some Kind of Change Train

I think I'm so stuck on all of the changes in my life that I feel I need to completely revamp everything.  I don't think it's a bad thing necessarily but it feels weird so far. I have a ton of things going on that just came into my life in the last month, two new jobs (one of which I'm already going to quit for sanity's sake), new friends, a wedding to help plan/be in (in September already, holy crap) and summer projects.  I guess that doesn't sound like that much but when I think about everything it involves, it's a little overwhelming, but somehow in a good way.  I have a lot to be excited about right now.  I just hope I stay on the exciting side and less on the stressed-the-ehf-out side. 

That all being said, I totally want to learn piano.  Like really learn it.  I always get this longing to be able to play when I hear it and maybe that's normal for everyone else who is obsessed with music?  I don't know, because most people I know are musicians, lucky talented bastards.

But when I sit and listen to Dan (the bf) and my friends making music, I get so incredibly jealous that I can’t be involved in something awesome like that.  I don't mean being in a band necessarily but to simply create such inspiring sounds. I want to do it for myself, simply for my own pleasure. I'd say worth it.  So after trying for basically the first time on Dan’s piano this weekend I think I could actually it if I practice enough.  Maybe I’d just learn the beautifully eerie piano parts of Radical Face’s music (that shit just takes over when I listen to it), that’d do it for me.  This weekend I learned/was taught the intro to one of their songs, and now I caught the bug and I almost bought myself an M-Audio keyboard this morning.  I know I could do it if I stay motivated, cause right now it’s all I can think about.  So why not, right?  I guess I just should, my new thing is trying to just do shit for me that’s going to make myself happy and this is one of those things.  I think I can justify it. 

Music has always been a huge part of my life, I think it’s time I start making it again.  Maybe I’ll pull out the dusty old clarinet, and pump out some tunes on that thing.  If I still can that is.