Wednesday, August 1, 2012

My Heart Goes Out to a Friend

My friend was broken up with over the weekend, they had been a close friend-couple that we hung out with and I thoroughly enjoyed them.  They met around the same time as my Daniel and I and we’ve been on this same adventure together, I suppose you could say.  I’d seen how their relationship started, how in love he was with her (much like myself with mine) in the beginning.  I honestly don’t know what happened but I feel the struggle she’s going through.  It pulls on my heart because I know.  Not to say I’ve been in her exact situation but to not be loved back by someone, is something I have experienced and never want to again.  I hope she is okay, I hope she can pull through and maybe someday get some answers.  She deserves that.

I’m not completely sure why it’s hitting home so hard for me.  I teared up this morning thinking of her, crying alone at home just wanting him to be there and be okay.  I’m guessing it’s because I’ve experienced the darkness, the feeling of no hope and just wanting the pain to go away but knowing there’s no light for a long time.  It’s a familiar feeling. But more than that, it reminds me how much heartbreak can fuck you up.  To be honest, it scares the shit out of me to remember those emotions, because I forgot how absolutely horrible and terrifying they can be.  I’m not necessarily worried that I will go through that again anytime soon, but remembering that it’s possible, when I’m this far in, when I’m this in love.  I don’t know if “pulling through” would be that possible for me. 

I’m trying to shake my head of the thought, there’s nothing I can do but hope my friend will be okay.  And hope that she can have hope.

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