Monday, April 23, 2012

Emails With Jeremy

From: Jeremy
Sent: Friday, April 20, 2012 3:01 PM
To: Tina
Subject: Yo Homes!!


I was speaking with your man accessory the other day and he told me that you are the mastermind behind the 4th of July celebrations this year. I want to put a bug in your ear. As you know the 4th is on a Wednesday this year sooo, I was hoping that the weekend of the 6th would work on account of me having those days off. It would be in everyone's best interest (I feel) if I were to attend because...well.. lets be the shit. If indeed the 6th?? Annual Welch River Run is to be on the weekend of the 1st then I guess Im left with two options. 1. Offer you the Olive Branch and all is forgiven or 2. Destroy you!!!. Please Advise. 



Jeremy T.,
You are in LUCK sir.  Andy K. and Myself are the head of this year’s July 4th committee, as unfortunately, Branden B. proved to be an inadequate president.  She and I convened last evening and discussed the planning of this year’s events.  We came to the conclusion that it is in everyone’s best interest to hold this celebration the weekend of the 6th, to your satisfaction I am sure.  The schedule so far reflects a gathering on the night of the sixth at the residence of the Arneson’s, with their approval of course (please supply your own tent or sleeping apparatus).  We are anticipating that copious amounts of alcohol will be consumed at this location and the populous will be remaining there for the evening.  The next morning we will assemble the crew and commute to the Welch river as you mentioned,  where we again, plan to undertake the task of getting sloshed.  Please send confirmation that you comply to the above schedule, as it is imperative that you attend.

Respectfully yours,



Some text has been removed.... I would like to apologize. I do not typically resort to threats as a means of persuasion however, due to the definite pertinence of the situation at hand I felt as though it was necessary in order to sway the events in my favor. Obviously, I had forgotten that great minds think alike. In response to your statements on sleeping arrangements. I would like to inform you that I have made preemptive reservations at the chateau were me and one lucky lady will be.... oh never-mind... May I inquire? Is there a limit on how "sloshed" one may become? If not, I would like to apologize in the fore on account of my being incapable of gauging exactly how much is too much.

Most indubitably, 

I swear to god, this is just how we talk.

Some Kind of Change Train

I think I'm so stuck on all of the changes in my life that I feel I need to completely revamp everything.  I don't think it's a bad thing necessarily but it feels weird so far. I have a ton of things going on that just came into my life in the last month, two new jobs (one of which I'm already going to quit for sanity's sake), new friends, a wedding to help plan/be in (in September already, holy crap) and summer projects.  I guess that doesn't sound like that much but when I think about everything it involves, it's a little overwhelming, but somehow in a good way.  I have a lot to be excited about right now.  I just hope I stay on the exciting side and less on the stressed-the-ehf-out side. 

That all being said, I totally want to learn piano.  Like really learn it.  I always get this longing to be able to play when I hear it and maybe that's normal for everyone else who is obsessed with music?  I don't know, because most people I know are musicians, lucky talented bastards.
But when I sit and listen to Dan (the bf) and my friends making music, I get so incredibly jealous that I can’t be involved in something awesome like that.  I don't mean being in a band necessarily but to simply create such inspiring sounds. I want to do it for myself, simply for my own pleasure. I'd say worth it.  So after trying for basically the first time on Dan’s piano this weekend I think I could actually it if I practice enough.  Maybe I’d just learn the beautifully eerie piano parts of Radical Face’s music (that shit just takes over when I listen to it), that’d do it for me.  This weekend I learned/was taught the intro to one of their songs, and now I caught the bug and I almost bought myself an M-Audio keyboard this morning.  I know I could do it if I stay motivated, cause right now it’s all I can think about.  So why not, right?  I guess I just should, my new thing is trying to just do shit for me that’s going to make myself happy and this is one of those things.  I think I can justify it. 

Music has always been a huge part of my life, I think it’s time I start making it again.  Maybe I’ll pull out the dusty old clarinet, and pump out some tunes on that thing.  If I still can that is.

Friday, April 20, 2012

Conversations With Erik Cont.

I pulled this from priva-blog:

Wednesday, March 21, 2012

A Good Day, An Entertaining Friend

I'm in a good mood.  And I didn't know who to share this with cause most wouldn't get it so here you go Interweb, meet my funny friend Erik.  Maybe you guys won't get it either. Ehf I'm such a dork.

Me: PS. Not to be a text whore but have you seen Better Off Ted?

Erik: Nope I haven’t.  Also, what is a text whore?  Am I being charged for this?

Me:  …I thought we had an understanding…dammit there goes my rent for this month.

Me: Hopefully more Catan to be had unless you guys don’t wanna play me anymore. Bah!

Erik:  Yeah, about that?  I’m going to need to borrow your game for the newly formed “Kool Kids Katan Klub”.  I’d ask you to join, but, no girls allowed…

Me:  Oh, ok, Lets see…no.  And forming a KKKK group is probably a really bad idea anyways.  I started my own girls club but girls suck so it’s just me but let me tell you, I win alllll theeeeee timmmmeee.

Erik:  (A typical girls club meeting)  Anyone wanna trade a sheep for a wheat?  Anyone??  **crickets** Well fuck you guys, I’m the banker anyways.

Me:  God you’re fucking funny

I can't keep up with this kid.  He's fantastically funny.
This is where #2 of Erik's wins come in.
Number 1 probably came from something involving discs (or dicks as we call them)...and now that I think about it, he's at 4...cause one of the first nights we hung out last summer, we had some text conversation involving me peeing on his bed which I'm guessing is why we're such good friends now.  Because who wouldn't be stoked to be friends with a bed wetter?  That sounds much worse than it really was but I don't care to explain except that it actually involved pig and dicks...see now that totally cleared/cleaned it up for you right?  Have fun with your imagination on that one, internet. 

Conversations With Erik (Edited)

I guess I'm starting to just input some text conversations I have with my friends/boyfriend here.  Cause I think they're funny, even if you don't.

Erik: I hate time off, I feel like I forget a ton.

Me:  Waiiiiit..."I hate time off" no one ever says that. Ever.  I'm worried about you.

Erik:  No I mean "Time off from discing"  I feel like I lose all my backhand work and good forehand control
(none of you probably get this, unless you're into disc golfing in which case, call me, let's go.)

Me:  Oh gosh ok...thank god!  You scared me. ok yes I understand.  I haven't gotten out as much as I like but played in the rain last night.  Bruised the shit out of my knuckle because of...wet release...mmmm I'm sure you'll do fine though, I'm not too much for competition but beware, I'm on love with my new destroyer aaaaand that putter I picked up.  I can't take credit though.  It's just the discs.  My o my am I chatty. sry

Me:  In love* not on it.  Not sure what that is.  X maybe?

Erik:  Jesus, Chaaaaty haha, I don't know how to answer that text...while driving...

Me: Haha yeah.  Sorry, I'm a lot to handle right now.

I'm a little impressed with myself right now, normally I have a hard time keeping up with his amazing humor/timing.

Erik like 3/Tina 1

Edit:  Erik 4/Tina 1

Thursday, April 19, 2012

Movin' On Up.

I accepted an offer for a new job today.
I am getting a 17% increase from what I am at now and the position leaves me a ton of room to learn and advance my skills as a banker.
I’m excited, now that the dreadful act of putting in my two weeks is over with.  It is done, my last day as an employee at my bank is May 2nd.
This whole thing with getting a new job that pays me super well is coming along with a ton of different feelings. 

Optimism- I’m moving forward again, I am finally getting past that feeling that I have no idea what I’m doing with my life (which I’ve had ever since I left my ex and my house…more importantly my house(sadly)).  I’m doing things for me again, and although I’ve hoped to be able to share this experience with people close to me more than I have, the sense of independence is nice.  Like no matter what, I’ll be okay now.

Financial solidity (if that’s a feeling)-  I have so many options now.  1.  Get my own place.  2.  Pay off my student loans in a year and 4 months (wow) 3. Travel. 4.  Get my back fixed 5.  Remove teeth of wisdom 6. Buy better car than planned. 7. All of the above in a much shorter time frame.

Fear-  This is where the “What if I’m not good enough” comes in, which, to be honest is just something I’ve always been worried about and probably irrelevant by the way things sounded in the interviews.  In reality it’s more of a concern that I won’t be self motivated enough but with the kind of money coming in that will be, I doubt it will be an issue.

Self-worth- I’m accomplishing things I hadn’t expected I would at this point.  I finally realized my potential and did something about it and now this company wants me and is willing to invest their money in me.  I feel like I’m worth it again.

Damn right!- I will be making more money than most people I know, especially, but not limited to my age group.  That feels cocky but fantastic.  You know what world?  I’m kicking ass.  I was down for some time but I pulled myself back up and kept on going. 

I’m excited to feel so alive again, so worth it, so important and impressive.  I feel impressive!  Something I had some time ago that I have lost in all my bazaar life dealings in the last few months but fuck yeah, I am god damn accomplished.

Maybe you're thinking "geez, she's humble..." (sarcasm if you don't get me) but I've been so down in the dirt for months.  I've felt so inadequate and I've been wondering why I'm not good enough for a long long time and I'm just sick of it.  So if I need to give myself that little boost because no one else will, so be it, call me a cocky bitch, I don't care.  I need it from someone.

Tuesday, April 17, 2012

And So The Beginning of My Paint Pictures

To lighten the mood a little bit (and also because I've had some "Fucking Relaaaaxxxx" tea...  This is where it all Began:

This is a Taco Fish, I made it for you.

For my friend Andy

And my boyfriend.

My plan for some gardening this summer...absolutely beautiful right?

This is (as it states) my friend Erik.  All of the above is 100% accurate if you use your imagination.  He totally deserved this cause...well he's kickass.
Me trying to explain to my friend Jeremy what the lagoon will look like after I'm done with it, though now that I'm seeing it again, he might have gotten a better idea if I had NOT brought Paint into this.

There is one more but it deserves an entire post to itself.  More to come.

I promise.

Here's to Back Pain

I just wanted to write something out quick about chronic pain and how I would never ever wish it on anyone.
I’m sitting at work, haven’t done anything to hurt myself lately and in fact have been getting massages to try to help out my back yet here I am in tears because I cannot find relief.  I took some Tylenol back and body over a half hour ago and nothing.  My hips are throbbing and my entire spine aches like I have the flu.  I’m trying to be strong and hold back my tears but I can’t, it’s not fair.

I am 23 years old and I suffer from scoliosis.  However mild it appears, it effects my life every day.  It makes me wonder why I have it, why was I given this crippling pain bullshit?  Is it supposed to make me stronger?  Because as I see it now, it makes everything harder.  It takes my good days and throws them out the window.  It keeps me from good times with friends, it causes strife in my relationship and friendships.

I need money and time to get rid of it and the thought of doing all that and coming out exactly where I am is terrifying but likely as we “Tried” to stop it when I was a kid.  But here I am ten years later, scared to death I will never have kids, and in the kind of pain that completely distracts your mind.

I want out.  I want a new body.

Friday, April 13, 2012

Random Crap Today

Just a thought I had:

I hate that I give a shit about my weight but I'm terrified of it sneaking up on me again.  What happened was a two and a half year relationship, I apparently gained some weight.  Bought new jeans, thought nothing of it cause I'm just small and I'll always be small right?  Well apparently not but I never noticed, never really cared.  Well....till I saw a picture of myself in a two piece suit in the Boundary Waters from last, last year.  Yikes, that's when I noticed.  Anyways, I still didn't think it was too bad but then I went through a giant breakup--ending an engagement two months after buying a house with the guy (way to go me) and boom, I dropped 25 lbs in about 3 weeks, all while drinking a TON.  But in all reality, my old relationship was one filled with TV shows, video games and a lot of doing nothing.  After the break, not only did I have a stomach ulcer for over two months from stress (so food sounded gross), but I also was super active, more than I had been in years.  I took up disc golfing and went almost every day which involves a few miles of walking and slight excursion.  Now, it is eight months later and I've bought some new clothes that don't fall off of me and maintained the same weight the whole time. Until yesterday, I stepped on the scale and apparently I've gone up 4 lbs in a week.  What happened?  I don't know but I'm deathly scared of being unattractive, a new thing I'm having to deal with that I absolutely hate.  I feel shallow though.  It makes me feel so girly and superficial which I wouldn't classify myself as. Thing is, I'm a little too lazy and doubtful of effectiveness to take up a work out of any type.  I've never seen results before so I can't see myself really getting into anything like that.  My solution?  Hope. 

Haha but really, that's all I've got cause I love food.

Conversations With Daniel Cont.

Me- What are we going to do then?  Cause if you don't like goats, this relationship isn't going anywhere.
Dan- I didn't say I didn't like goats, I just don't want to own any.
Me-  Can't you compromise?
Dan- Fine, we'll get half a goat.
Me- (open jaw) Dan that's terrible
Dan-  Or how about I just grow out a goatee?

Honestly though, maybe he doesn't understand the entertainment value of a fainting goat.  Friends would come over just to scare the shit out of him.  I think that's great.

Thursday, April 12, 2012

In Which I Tell You What's Wrong With Me

This is important.

I'm not going to act like I'm in that deep. I'm not.  And I don't think I'd ever claim to be there even if I was.  Right now though, I'm learning.  I've had some issues most of my life that I generally shrink down to be "thinking too much."  I'm starting to very slowly come to terms with the fact that it's not just me thinking, it might be more than that but I've never really wanted to let it be known to myself or anyone else for that matter.  I still don't really but I'm taking little steps.

I get stressed out a lot.  Things will be okay, or great even and then BOOM, I'm in a hole I can't get out of.  That's a lot of what priva-blog is about, the holes I attempt to climb out of.  I've always felt so alone in there, which is what makes is so much harder.  I'm writing about this because I may have found some comfort with a friend in all this.  So maybe I can't share these thoughts with my boyfriend or friends or family but having at least that one person that gets it and can tell you what he has done to get out is huge.  I'm learning no one is perfect and that it's mostly okay that I am this way but that I should probably do something about it instead of getting so stuck like I have.

I want to be happy.  I truly do. For a while there I don't think I did.  I think I actually found something homey in my constant dissapointment and stress.  But not now.  I met this guy, and found this different kind of life and it changed me and I had a few solid months where I was furiously happy because of it.  I was so beyond content and so excited and even the bad stuff didn't bog me down like they had in the past/do now.  And I want that.  I can say I honeslty hope that can be who I am everyday sometime in my future.  That's a big thing right there.  But now as time goes on, I find things to upset me, they're valid I'd say but what's the point of worrying so much?  Normal people would say there isn't and that'd be that, but not me.  I get that one bad thought and it worms it's way into my head and grows and grows until I can't even think about anything else.  Nothing is good. Everything is doomed.  My life is so fuuuuuuucked.  That's how it goes.  Normally it all stays wrapped up in there until I can't handle it anymore and then the people closest to me have to deal with it OR something somehow breaks the spell.  But it has to be something amazing, I can't even think of anything that would do it right now, well...maybe I can but it is not to be shared.  Point is that it's so hard to get out. 

I don't want that for myself anymore, or for my relationship for that matter.  It's destructive and definately not healthy as I lose sleep, my back gets more tense than it already is and I tend to drink more...much more.

I just rambled a ton of that out which probably doesn't mean a whole lot to others but putting it out there is good for me I think.  Gives me hope that I do still want to hang on to my sanity and makes me feel like I'm trying to get past it.  At least I have a friend to not be alone with, and this is my version of "Speaking".  And that's important

Conversations With Daniel

Dan -Check out "Cow Pots" on Amazon.
Me- Ya Just saw that.  Expensive though...Buck 20 per pot vs .32 each for peat.
Correction...16 cents if we get them at home depot.  I think that's out best bet.
Dan- Fine.
Me- Geez
Dan- I'm Jk, you no like my poo pots
Me- Sorry no.  You have bad ideas…
Dan- But poo is much more renewable than peat moss harvested from ancient peat bogs
Me- Ok you buy and I’m down.  They sound fantastic.  And like they cost 750% more mobey…cause they do.  I calculated it.
Me-Not more mobey…that’s not currency anywhere I know about…money
Dan- Moby would approve

I Guess I Wanted a Blog I'm Not Completely Afraid of Sharing

So here I am.  I guess I knew this would happen.  I knew I’d want to start a blog that I could actually share with the general public.  I have my old dead journal, my gardening blog and I have a separate private blog which could cause some anger, heartbreak and confusion, all of which has already happened and was the reason for my…privatization? (is that a word? We’re going with yes)  These are things that I could share with you all if I felt like being completely ripped apart for how nuts I am.  I could let you all in on my daily thoughts regarding my relationship and life situation and friends and family but you’d think much differently about me and it wouldn’t really help a whole lot.  I blog there on my hard days, on the days that I know better than to talk to real people face to face.  And I get past them and I have normal people days—like today where it’d be nice to share my thoughts via text because they’re not so crazy when I’m not feeling crazy. 

I’ve started really relying on my private blog for comfort and support in the last few months.  It has really helped me get through some tough times and occasionally caused some tougher times when I allow myself freedom of thought.  That being said, I’d like to be able to voice some of my thoughts and life on the interweb, the ones that I think might be helpful to others going through the same things or the ones that I hope might brighten someone’s day or even evoke a tiny smile.  I will go back and pull such posts from my piva-blog (cool, that is now what I am calling it here, done.)  I have some funnies, some interesting, some hobby sharing, some dorkieness and some that just pulled me through another hard day.

On an un-related, related note, I read (of course, who doesn’t) and sometimes I find her writing amazingly inspiring.  It helps me make it through another day and simply embrace that fact that I did.  You did it, you accomplished another day.  That doesn’t sound like much to most but sometimes that’s freaking impressive.  Just one day might have been the hardest thing you’ve ever done but you did it and survived.  Sometimes that’s all I can do.  Sometimes it is that hard for me.  I hate that it’s a truth but it is.  And here I am exposing it. Oh well.