Thursday, April 19, 2012

Movin' On Up.

I accepted an offer for a new job today.
I am getting a 17% increase from what I am at now and the position leaves me a ton of room to learn and advance my skills as a banker.
I’m excited, now that the dreadful act of putting in my two weeks is over with.  It is done, my last day as an employee at my bank is May 2nd.
This whole thing with getting a new job that pays me super well is coming along with a ton of different feelings. 

Optimism- I’m moving forward again, I am finally getting past that feeling that I have no idea what I’m doing with my life (which I’ve had ever since I left my ex and my house…more importantly my house(sadly)).  I’m doing things for me again, and although I’ve hoped to be able to share this experience with people close to me more than I have, the sense of independence is nice.  Like no matter what, I’ll be okay now.

Financial solidity (if that’s a feeling)-  I have so many options now.  1.  Get my own place.  2.  Pay off my student loans in a year and 4 months (wow) 3. Travel. 4.  Get my back fixed 5.  Remove teeth of wisdom 6. Buy better car than planned. 7. All of the above in a much shorter time frame.

Fear-  This is where the “What if I’m not good enough” comes in, which, to be honest is just something I’ve always been worried about and probably irrelevant by the way things sounded in the interviews.  In reality it’s more of a concern that I won’t be self motivated enough but with the kind of money coming in that will be, I doubt it will be an issue.

Self-worth- I’m accomplishing things I hadn’t expected I would at this point.  I finally realized my potential and did something about it and now this company wants me and is willing to invest their money in me.  I feel like I’m worth it again.

Damn right!- I will be making more money than most people I know, especially, but not limited to my age group.  That feels cocky but fantastic.  You know what world?  I’m kicking ass.  I was down for some time but I pulled myself back up and kept on going. 

I’m excited to feel so alive again, so worth it, so important and impressive.  I feel impressive!  Something I had some time ago that I have lost in all my bazaar life dealings in the last few months but fuck yeah, I am god damn accomplished.

Maybe you're thinking "geez, she's humble..." (sarcasm if you don't get me) but I've been so down in the dirt for months.  I've felt so inadequate and I've been wondering why I'm not good enough for a long long time and I'm just sick of it.  So if I need to give myself that little boost because no one else will, so be it, call me a cocky bitch, I don't care.  I need it from someone.

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