Monday, April 23, 2012

Emails With Jeremy

From: Jeremy
Sent: Friday, April 20, 2012 3:01 PM
To: Tina
Subject: Yo Homes!!


I was speaking with your man accessory the other day and he told me that you are the mastermind behind the 4th of July celebrations this year. I want to put a bug in your ear. As you know the 4th is on a Wednesday this year sooo, I was hoping that the weekend of the 6th would work on account of me having those days off. It would be in everyone's best interest (I feel) if I were to attend because...well.. lets be the shit. If indeed the 6th?? Annual Welch River Run is to be on the weekend of the 1st then I guess Im left with two options. 1. Offer you the Olive Branch and all is forgiven or 2. Destroy you!!!. Please Advise. 



Jeremy T.,
You are in LUCK sir.  Andy K. and Myself are the head of this year’s July 4th committee, as unfortunately, Branden B. proved to be an inadequate president.  She and I convened last evening and discussed the planning of this year’s events.  We came to the conclusion that it is in everyone’s best interest to hold this celebration the weekend of the 6th, to your satisfaction I am sure.  The schedule so far reflects a gathering on the night of the sixth at the residence of the Arneson’s, with their approval of course (please supply your own tent or sleeping apparatus).  We are anticipating that copious amounts of alcohol will be consumed at this location and the populous will be remaining there for the evening.  The next morning we will assemble the crew and commute to the Welch river as you mentioned,  where we again, plan to undertake the task of getting sloshed.  Please send confirmation that you comply to the above schedule, as it is imperative that you attend.

Respectfully yours,



Some text has been removed.... I would like to apologize. I do not typically resort to threats as a means of persuasion however, due to the definite pertinence of the situation at hand I felt as though it was necessary in order to sway the events in my favor. Obviously, I had forgotten that great minds think alike. In response to your statements on sleeping arrangements. I would like to inform you that I have made preemptive reservations at the chateau were me and one lucky lady will be.... oh never-mind... May I inquire? Is there a limit on how "sloshed" one may become? If not, I would like to apologize in the fore on account of my being incapable of gauging exactly how much is too much.

Most indubitably, 

I swear to god, this is just how we talk.

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