Tuesday, April 17, 2012

Here's to Back Pain

I just wanted to write something out quick about chronic pain and how I would never ever wish it on anyone.
I’m sitting at work, haven’t done anything to hurt myself lately and in fact have been getting massages to try to help out my back yet here I am in tears because I cannot find relief.  I took some Tylenol back and body over a half hour ago and nothing.  My hips are throbbing and my entire spine aches like I have the flu.  I’m trying to be strong and hold back my tears but I can’t, it’s not fair.

I am 23 years old and I suffer from scoliosis.  However mild it appears, it effects my life every day.  It makes me wonder why I have it, why was I given this crippling pain bullshit?  Is it supposed to make me stronger?  Because as I see it now, it makes everything harder.  It takes my good days and throws them out the window.  It keeps me from good times with friends, it causes strife in my relationship and friendships.

I need money and time to get rid of it and the thought of doing all that and coming out exactly where I am is terrifying but likely as we “Tried” to stop it when I was a kid.  But here I am ten years later, scared to death I will never have kids, and in the kind of pain that completely distracts your mind.

I want out.  I want a new body.

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