Ok, here it goes. I
need some opinions or just some sort of input.
Not like the Internet is necessarily the most ideal place to make myself
feel reasonable but I need something and I just can’t talk to people about this
in person. It even freaks me out.
What are your thoughts on sperm donors? “ My god she’s
crazy!” I know.
This is something that came up for me last year in December
after an incident I can’t bring myself to write about here. It was a serious thought then, and possibly
an even more serious thought now.
Funny thing though, on Modamily, the first thing on the
front page is “Single? Want Baby?” And I’m all “YES!” but then I’m like…”Oh,
wait, I’m totally not single…” I mean I’m
not married either but still. So just
what do you do when the guy you’re with just doesn’t want it right now? I guess the answer is wait, I know, but I don’t
know if I can (long story).
So what then? It is
insane? Is it something you just don’t
do when you’re in a relationship? I
talked about it with him last year when I was going through some things. Mainly the conversation went like this
“Would you still date me if I was carrying a baby from some
unknown dude?”
“Well, it’d be weird, people would think it was weird, and
things would change cause instead of hanging out, you’d be doing mother things a
lot.”
An odd but valid argument, simply proving to me how much he
really isn’t ready for, and completely doesn’t want kids right now.
Ok fine but I still want to spend my life with him, he just
doesn’t want the responsibility of a kid, I get it…so what if it’s just mine?
But then I took it a step further and was all “Well what if
I pay you and we work up a contract so you don’t have to be responsible for anything
unless you want to be and you can be the “unknown dude”, and honestly fella, I
mean it.”
And he thought about it, but decided he didn’t want to be that
shitty guy that dips out on responsibilities and has a kid running around
somewhere that he isn’t caring for. I
get it but it was worth a shot.
Mmh. Never though I’d
be this honest on here. Feels good
though.
This sounds like a bunch of tough decisions, wow. And congrats on your honesty.
ReplyDeleteI'm not sure what I think about it... I don't know, that if I wanted a baby really badly, if I'd be "okay" with my guy not wanting to give me one. I think I would be really hurt.
Also, I don't think having a baby by way of sperm donation is going to have your man being as "free" of responsibility as he wants to be, though.
Because really, if you have a child, no matter how you go about it, YOU HAVE A CHILD. And that child will be a HUGE, HUGE part of your life, a part that it sounds like your guy maybe doesn't want... not sure how that would work... it might be like trying to split yourself in half, and I don't think that would be happy or healthy for you. Your child will be a part of who you are, and I don't think the guy you love is allowed to just like "some" of who you are.
Sorry if anything I just said was too harsh or hard to hear. Just trying to give you an opinion, since you asked. Email me if you ever need to talk- I know we're strangers but I'm happy to help if I can. :)
Oh and by the way, sperm donation itself is not crazy at all. It exists for a very important reason.
Not too harsh at all, I know it brings up a lot of weird questions. I hear what you're saying. In all reality maybe I know it's just not going to work with him but it feels more like I want both things equally, him and a baby. But I can't have his now so I'm trying to figure it out. Maybe there just isn't a way around it. One or the other, ya know?
DeleteThanks for your input. Seriously much appreciated! I have many thoughts to think.