Ok, here it goes. I need some opinions or just some sort of input. Not like the Internet is necessarily the most ideal place to make myself feel reasonable but I need something and I just can’t talk to people about this in person. It even freaks me out.
This is something that came up for me last year in December after an incident I can’t bring myself to write about here. It was a serious thought then, and possibly an even more serious thought now.
Funny thing though, on Modamily, the first thing on the front page is “Single? Want Baby?” And I’m all “YES!” but then I’m like…”Oh, wait, I’m totally not single…” I mean I’m not married either but still. So just what do you do when the guy you’re with just doesn’t want it right now? I guess the answer is wait, I know, but I don’t know if I can (long story).
So what then? It is insane? Is it something you just don’t do when you’re in a relationship? I talked about it with him last year when I was going through some things. Mainly the conversation went like this
“Would you still date me if I was carrying a baby from some unknown dude?”
“Well, it’d be weird, people would think it was weird, and things would change cause instead of hanging out, you’d be doing mother things a lot.”
An odd but valid argument, simply proving to me how much he really isn’t ready for, and completely doesn’t want kids right now.
Ok fine but I still want to spend my life with him, he just doesn’t want the responsibility of a kid, I get it…so what if it’s just mine?
But then I took it a step further and was all “Well what if I pay you and we work up a contract so you don’t have to be responsible for anything unless you want to be and you can be the “unknown dude”, and honestly fella, I mean it.”
And he thought about it, but decided he didn’t want to be that shitty guy that dips out on responsibilities and has a kid running around somewhere that he isn’t caring for. I get it but it was worth a shot.
Mmh. Never though I’d be this honest on here. Feels good though.